Ruby Hearts
by ohneko
Summary: Severus and Lily say goodbye.


Title: Ruby Hearts  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Severus and Lily say goodbye.  
Genre: Angst, Romance  
Characters: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Petunia Evans, Lucius Malfoy  
Pairings: Severus/Lily  
Setting: The summer between the Marauders' fifth and sixth years, in the Muggle world.  
Warnings: None  
Spoilers: Everything, just to be safe, and especially DH.  
Word Count: 3,603

* * *

Twirling his wand absent-mindedly through his fingers, Severus Snape found himself lying flat on his back in bed, his dark eyes directed towards the ceiling of his bedroom, his mouth slack. A lock of sweaty black hair was plastered across his forehead and his t-shirt clung to his skin in places where he was damp from perspiration.

It had been blazing hot all summer, it seemed, ever since he had returned from the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts. He frowned, thinking of the cool breeze that rippled the surface of the lake on the castle grounds, and of the chill air that sometimes infiltrated the secret nooks of the old stone building in the winter. Here, back in the Muggle world, there was no such luxury; he was too young to even have the privilege of using magic to make himself more comfortable.

With a sigh he hoisted himself into a sitting position, flicking back his hair. His parents were fighting again; he could hear his mother's shrill voice through the thin walls of his bedroom. He frowned, shaking his head softly. She could have been great, his mother. She was a descendent of the Prince line, and while they were not quite on par with the family Black -- Severus gritted his teeth at the thought -- the Princes were most certainly purebloods. And yet, his mother had gone and married a Muggle, a man without the least speck of magical inclination, who was supremely jealous of the gifts his wife and son possessed, and often tormented them for it, mocking their abilities.

Clenching his wand with his fist, Severus thought of his father's grizzled face, then of Lucius Malfoy's easy, dismissive laugh. He frowned. It had been his hatred of his father that had driven him to join up with a number of Muggle haters, mostly Slytherin boys is own year. He had passed night after night, smiling cruelly at the thought of someday seizing control from Muggles and placing it securely back in the hands of wizards. Finally being allowed to walk free, never having to stow a wand in a secret pocket, or drape himself with the Muggle clothes his mother procured in the vintage store; Severus had dreamed of these things often, but it had been the idea of finally being out from under his domineering father's thumb that had finally propelled him to seek out Lord Voldemort. And now, he reflected, there was no abandoning Voldemort's side, whatever his regrets, no matter how often he thought of Lily Evans' sparkling emerald eyes. The death of Lucius Malfoy's brother, a dissenter from the ranks, had taught him that.

He rose, contemplating heading down to the old park where he sometimes visited Lily in the summertime, but his heart sank at the mere thought. Lily was no longer speaking to him. In truth, he could scarcely blame her. She had chosen him as the best among her many friends, and he had repaid her kindness by shouting insults at her out of humiliation, and aligning himself with an organization sworn to stamp out Muggleborns, those like her. She had despised his friends for years, and he had chosen to surround himself with the most prejudiced of purebloods, all to ease his malcontent with his father. He rubbed his forehead miserably, soothing an imaginary ache.

Out in the hallway, his father thundered on about some imaginary infraction and Severus decided that even the abandoned park was better than remaining in his bedroom, listening to his parents argue. He thought of sitting in the old swings where he and Lily sometimes talked, and imagined, lonely as it was, it would make him feel a tiny bit closer to her. Pocketing his wand, he raked his hair out of his eyes with his fingers and slid open the window.

* * *

Rocking gently back and forth on the old, scarred rubber swing, Lily traced the silver chain around her neck with her fingertips. It had been a Christmas gift from Severus the year before, and despite her humiliation and anger at his recent attitude, she had left it on, a tangible symbol of him that she sometimes clung to when she felt alone. 

The sky above her head was dissolving into a multitude of colours as the sun sank below the horizon, and the wind was picking up a bit too, ruffling her red hair slightly. She sighed, her eyes scanning the park. There did not appear to be another living being around save for a few twittering birds. In her younger years, she might have been accompanied by her sister, but Petunia had forsaken her.

"Stop it," her sister had hissed that very morning, when Lily had walked into the kitchen with her wand out, delicately waving it in the humid air as a sort of fan. "You know the rules. Magic isn't allowed out of school."

"I'm not doing magic," Lily had explained patiently, popping a piece of bread into the toaster gracefully. Nonetheless, she had pocketed her wand, feeling a bit embarrassed as her older sister looked her over sternly. "Anyway, it's not much longer now and I will be able to magic whenever I want. Oh, I can't wait. I wish I could show you now," she went on, watching Petunia watering a potted plant. "There are spells for everything, simply everything! Aquamenti, that's water," she had added, unable to contain her desire to show off.

Petunia had shrugged and turned her back on her sister. "Weird, that's what you are," she had announced haughtily.

Lily's smile had faded as she reached for her sister. "Come on, Petunia, don't be that way," she urged. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you never got into Hogwarts. I know how badly you hoped to go."

"What? As if I ever wanted into that loony bin anyway!" Petunia had shrieked back, highly offended.

"Well, you used to, once, when we were young," Lily had countered. "Don't you remember? You wrote to Dumbledore and everything, asking him if you couldn't come along with me. I still wish you'd been able to. Think of the fun we could have had. Why, you could have met the Prewett brothers -- they're nothing but trouble, but dashingly handsome anyway -- and there is also Sirius Black, and Remus --"

"A bunch of freaks," Petunia had pronounced. She sneered. "Whatever happened to that boy from Spinner's End, that once you used to fancy? You know, with the filthy hair and those ragged clothes? What was his name, anyway? Something odd, wasn't it? Severus?"

Lily had felt a stab of pain. "We don't speak anymore."

"Well that's good, anyway," decided Petunia. She had crossed her arms over her chest. "Vernon's picking me up tonight around six. I hope it isn't too much to ask that you stay out of the way when he's here. I don't want him finding out about your -- condition."

"Condition? My magic, you mean," snapped Lily, her temper rising.

"Whatever you call it," shrugged Petunia. "Just stay upstairs, or out of the house if you don't mind. I don't want him to think I'm a freak like you and your friends."

And so Lily had made herself scarce the remainder of the day, first hiding away in her room, catching up on correspondence with her friends and playing with the grey cat she had found around the neighbourhood one day, and then finally storming out just before Vernon was due to arrive, to seek the peace of the park. She had half hoped to find Severus there as well; it had been their appointed meeting spot for years, but she had known as soon as she drew near that he hadn't bothered to come.

"My fault," she muttered to herself now, digging her bare heels into the soft sand below the swing. "I shouldn't have lost my temper with him. He had every right to be upset that day, with that idiot James Potter tormenting him. Still," she defended herself. "He called me a Mudblood. A Mudblood!" Tears stung at her eyes, but she refused to give in to them. "After all this time, telling me my blood didn't matter. That's certainly not what his lot believe now."

A soft rustling disturbed her reverie and Lily glanced up, expecting to see some of the children from the neighbourhood. Instead, she immediately recognised Severus' dark hair and drab clothes. Despite his melancholy appearance, she felt her heart leap as he pushed past the thick foliage and walked into the park.

"Severus."

When he saw her, Severus froze like a stunned deer. He held still for a long instant, blinking several times in stunned disbelief. He had not expected to find her here, but Lily had jumped from her swing and was striding towards him. She looked a bit different outside of the school robes; dressed in bell-bottom jeans and a white peasant blouse, she seemed far more at home in her Muggle clothes than he had ever been in his. He remembered the first time he had spied her, in shorts and t-shirt, playing with her sister, her red braids swinging around her face, and he found a smile hovering close to the surface of his lips.

"Lily," he breathed. The word emerged like a sound of relief, her name an oasis.

She narrowed her bright green eyes at him, frowning. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing else to do," he said, feigning nonchalance. He thought of the elegant Malfoy estate, where he had been invited to pass the summer months, and decided not to tell Lily that he had passed on the invitation, angering Malfoy in the process, preferring to remain at his miserable home in hopes of seeing her. With a shrug, he wandered over to a wooden bench and sat down, his eyes never leaving her face.

"I thought you'd be with your Death Eater cronies," she muttered, her voice low. "Planning some gruesome act of violence against decent, respectable people."

The words stung, particularly because of the truth of them. Severus ducked his face so she would not read the embarrassment obvious in his eyes. He had never quite believed that discussing following Voldemort would turn out to be anything more than brash talk; in the Slytherin common room, bravely railing against the Muggle plight, thinking solely of his father, Severus had never really considered that anything would come of his plans to become a Death Eater. He had been wrong. Lucius Malfoy had cornered him just a few weeks into the summer holiday with an invitation to attend a few meetings. He had gone, not knowing what to expect, and had been met by men in frightening masks, who had laughed cruelly, billowing breath scented with alcohol as they talked about the destruction of Muggle borns. Even as so recent a recruit, he had been privy to some of the milder plans; attacks on an outspoken Muggle supporter who worked for the Daily Prophet, and a decision to torture certain Aurors in hopes of obtaining secret Ministry information.

"Severus?" Lily's eyes were shadowed with concern as she strode forward. Just inches from him, she lifted her hand, cupping his pale chin. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He drew back slightly, shaking his head a little, but grabbed her hand before she could pull away. "I -- it's nothing," he stated in his firmest voice. "I'm just happy to see you." Feeling tormented, he sighed. His voice emerged, seeped in anguish. "Lily, I'm sorry!" He squeezed her hands desperately, hard enough to grind the delicate bones together, although she did not pull away. "For what I said, what I've done --"

" -- and what you're doing," she finished for him, sadly, her anger at the situation dissolving as she took in his pain. She did not pull away. "It isn't over, is it? I saw you, talking to Mulciber on the train on the last day of school. Can't you get out, away from them? There are good Slytherins in your year, ones who aren't involved in this Death Eater madness. You won't be alone."

"It's too late," he murmured, closing his eyes. He drew her hands up to his lips and kissed her fingertips and the palms of her hands repeatedly. "I don't know if I'll ever get free, honestly. I'm -- I'm in pretty deep. Lucius Malfoy's told me things, and some of the others have confided in me. I don't have his mark yet, but I've met Lord Voldemort." His laugh was mirthless. "I don't think they'd let me go, not now. They plan to mark me soon. Anyway, I know what they do to their deserters."

Lily sank down onto the bench beside him. "You could tell someone, tell your parents --"

"Ha!"

" -- or Dumbledore." Her eyes shone, pleading with him, looking for a way out. "He could help you, Severus. You know he could. He has clout with the Ministry, he'd be able to find you somewhere safe to go until this whole foolish thing ends. It can't last forever."

He stared down at his boots, shaking his head so that his lank hair obscured his face. "You have no idea," he said, speaking slowly. "His power." His voice trembled a bit, betraying the emotion he had taught himself to hide in the previous years. Displaying his feelings had been dangerous; he had learned that from James Potter and Sirius Black. "He won't go easily. He has power Grindelwald only dreamed of. The Ministry can't help me, can't help any of us. They've already got spies among the Ministry officials; anyone who goes to them trying to get out will wind up dead. I've seen it happen."

Lily's mouth fell open in shock. "You've seen them kill people?" When he nodded, she shuddered. "But then, all the rumours are true. Severus, you've got to go to Dumbledore. Tell him all you know. He'll believe you, I'm convinced of it. I'll go with you at the start of term, if you want."

"No." He frowned, deeply. "You'll stay away from me then, as far away as you can."

Stung, she regarded him with a wary glance. "But --"

"I love you," he said, his voice harsh with feeling. "I've wanted to see you all summer, and as long as it's safe I'll see you until September, but only until then. You don't know how they operate, Lily. They secure obedience any way they can. Not every one of those Death Eaters are there by choice. They've been lured in, promised wealth and power." He paused, thinking of his own foolishness, how easily the others had coerced allegiance from him with the same promises. "And once they are, everyone they love is at risk. Voldemort doesn't care if he has to threaten or hurt someone's family to keep them in line. If they knew I had feelings for you, a Mud -- a Muggleborn," he corrected himself quickly. "They'd exploit my feelings in every possible way, with no remorse. Voldemort doesn't like to spill pure blood," he said, and his voice snarled. "But he wouldn't think twice about harming you."

"Then you're a fool," Lily snapped, jerking her hands away from his touch as though scalded. Spots of colour appeared high up on her cheeks. "A fool to get involved with them from the start, and a fool not to leave before it was too late." She stormed away a few steps, shrugging off Severus' hand when he touched her shoulder. "Did you really ever mean what you said to me, when we were children? You told me, being born of Muggles didn't matter. Was it a lie, even then?"

Startled, Severus shook his head. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking at her beseechingly. "It wasn't a lie. I meant that," he said softly after a moment. "It's true. I just -- forgot along the way."

"What am I supposed to do?" Lily asked. She felt her voice crack as tears welled up in her eyes. "Ignore you when you pass me in the halls? Glare at you across the classroom in Potions? Pre -- pretend I don't think of you every moment during those long nights alone in my bed? Sev -- !" Her words were interrupted as she burst into tears.

Crying hard, she allowed Severus to pull her close, and rested her face against his shoulder, sobbing. He enfolded her with his arms, pressing her to his body so that he could feel the warmth of her skin. He was near enough to smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo and the delicate, floral fragrance of her perfume. He closed his eyes, drinking in her familiar scent.

"You have to," he told her sternly when she finally stopped crying. "For your own good as well as mine. If they find any connection between us, I'll probably be killed for a blood traitor. They don't know," he supplied quickly as she gave him a quizzical look. "About my father being a Muggle, and me being a half-blood. I lied to my friends in Slytherin, almost from the start. I despised my father, I often wished he wasn't any relation to me. They think I'm pureblood, that my father was a descendant of the Prince bloodline. I'll be just as hard for me not to speak to you," he said, clutching at her shoulders. "Harder, by far."

"No, not likely," Lily corrected him. "What will I do, Severus? Pretend to be a loyal Gryffindor, glare at your Slytherin lot when you pass? Finally say yes to James Potter the next time he begs me for a date?" She snorted in derision. "It's impossible. I won't have any hope of disguising my feelings for you."

"You will," he argued. "You'll have to."

"But not yet," she reminded him, stroking his soft hair. "I can't believe I've wasted all this time being angry with you, though mind, you had no reason to snap at me when it was that jerk Potter tormenting you. And now you say we only have a few months..."

"Less," Severus said regretfully. His fingertips trailed across her skin, stroking her cheeks and brow as if hoping to commit her features to memory. He breathed her name softly. "Lily." Then, catching hold of her hand, he leaned forward, brushing his lips to hers.

Her mouth parted at his touch as she yielded to him, kissing him back with a fierceness bourne of desperation. Her hands slid down his chest, caressing the slim body beneath his clothes, and she sighed against him as he stroked her hair, smoothing the auburn curls.

It was over far too soon. Petunia's voice, shouting anxiously for Lily, interrupted the two of them in their embrace, forcing them to let go of each other.

"Lily! Lily!"

"I have to go," said Lily, her voice remorseful. She trailed a hand across Severus' cheek, winding her fingers briefly in his hair. Her lips shone, still faintly wet from his skillful kisses, and she did not wipe her mouth but instead stared up into his face, eager to frame the moment in her memory.

Severus squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so very sorry. I hope someday you can understand, and forgive me for this." He clutched at her, grabbing fistfuls of her peasant blouse as she turned towards her home and her beckoning sister. "Please! I'll go on looking for a way out, I swear it. No matter what happens, please know I've never thought any less of you for your blood. Whatever you hear, that's the truth. Okay?"

"Okay." She nodded, prying his hands from her clothes. "Will I see you again, here?"

"If I can get here safely. I hope so."

"Lily!"

Petunia rounded a corner, her face irate, her carefully pressed skirt flapping around her legs in the sudden wind. "Lily, come on. Haven't you heard me calling for you? Mum and Dad expected you home hours ago. I've been back from my date for ages." She glanced around, taking in the empty park. "What've you been doing here all this time, alone?" Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully and she flung an accusing glance at her sister. "You haven't been waiting for that Snape boy, have you? I thought you said that was over."

"It is," Lily managed to whisper. "Go on, Petunia. I'll be home in a minute."

Rolling her eyes, Petunia moved back down the street, leaving Lily alone in the shadowy park. Lily strode across the trampled grass to the nearest hedge, where Severus had ducked at Petunia's sudden appearance. She touched the bushes, parting them, looking for a sign of his black hair or old shirt, but he was already gone. Overhead, the twilight colours had condensed to a uniform blue-black, spangled with softly flickering stars. Lily thought she heard an owl overhead. For a moment she stood still, her arms wrapped around her shivering body, forcing herself to choke back the sobs that rose in her throat. Then she made her way to the sidewalk, moving in the direction of her house.

Behind her, the park remained empty. The corners where Lily and Severus had once sat as children, trading magical secrets and idly dreaming of the future that awaited them were obscured with shadow. Bats fluttered through the rustling trees, searching for food with their sharply focused radar. A sudden breeze whipped the branches above, and set two swings gently rocking back and forth in easy harmony.


End file.
